How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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