Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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