It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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