I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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