I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
