I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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