I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
