my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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