thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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