That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
