I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
