I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
