White coat. Heels.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
