I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize