I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
