Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My dick has a subreddit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
