did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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