I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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