Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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