Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
