I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
