"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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