I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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