Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
