i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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