i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
