Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
