I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
