Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
