I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize