I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
