Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
