I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
