Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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