I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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