the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
