As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
