I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
