I stole a fireplace last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
