she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
