Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
