During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
