:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
