A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
