i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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