So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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