I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize