I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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