I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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