He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
