i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
