but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
