The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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