she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
