OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
