my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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