There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
