Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
