If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
