Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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