I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
