At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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