my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
