Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We need to get me chipped asap
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
