I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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