I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
