I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize