He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
