Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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