we have officially lost it.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
