she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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