Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize