Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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