i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
