Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
