Someone shit on the floor
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
