U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
