Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize