Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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