woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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