ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
being pregnant is like rehab
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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