I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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