I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How does one acquire holy water?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize