We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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