We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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