So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
