my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
