I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
