but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I pour the whiskey from now on
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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