I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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