She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
