Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize