Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is my gift to your gina
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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