I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
