drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
