I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize