Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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