Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
