I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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