We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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