hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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