I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
