Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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