theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
