So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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