I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
