You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
