Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
