so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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