He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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