Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
