i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
