So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
